Ideal You vs Authentic You

Café Sanctuary

“An abuser needs to see you as his dream woman, an extension of himself—so the real, spontaneous, separate you becomes the enemy.” ~ Patricia Evans, from her book, “Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You”

Initially, my abuser put me on a pedestal, insisting that he thought I was “perfect”. Because I had very low self-esteem, it sounded like music to my ears. I had finally found a man who didn’t see my flaws. He praised me to high heaven. He told me everything I wanted to hear. He told me he loved me and called me adorable pet names. He listened to me for hours, making himself totally indispensable. Whatever need I had, he made it a point to show me that he was the one to fulfill it.

Further into the relationship, when he had me where he wanted…

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